His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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