oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
