You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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