he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
