it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
