I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
