the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
