our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
