I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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