The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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