Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
