The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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