Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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