Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
