Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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