You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
