Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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