i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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