Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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