yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
