I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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