You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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