Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
