my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
