is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
