I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
