plz talk dirty to me
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
