Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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