I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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