just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is wine microwaveable?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
