At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
