You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
