For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
