I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
