I got chris browned last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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