You work out of a Hotel?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
