i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
