I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
