Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
