I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
