I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
