2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
