how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
