i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
