Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
