I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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