you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
