what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
