I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
