Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
