That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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