He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need a burrito and a hug.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
