dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
ttyl tear gas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
